Enjoy the Calm
I would be hesitant to call myself hyper vigilant. Prepared? To an extent. Organized? Let’s just say…in my own unique way. I would venture a guess that I was far more organized and prepared in my younger days.
Over time, I have learned that I can prepare for everything in my life. I can have all my bases covered. The proverbial ducks will be in a row. I will open the blinds and stretch my arms to welcome in the sun-filled sky. And in the back of my mind, the possibility of all the problems that can still occur will inevitably show up.
We can never be entirely prepared. Life will, oh so quickly, pull the rug out from under us. Just a few months ago, I was packed and ready for my trip to Kansas. I got to the airport with plenty of time to spare before boarding. And despite my best efforts, the things out of my control changed the day’s course. Five airports and fifteen hours later, I arrived at my destination.
If you have ever sat in a meeting with me, you would have noticed that I am quiet. I tend to be more of a reflector and processor in those situations. I listen to the questions thrown like darts around the room, but try not to get caught up too much in the unknown or “what if” scenarios. I am sure it comes off to some people as disinterested, even disengaged. When in all actuality, it is simply calm amidst the storm.
Shifting from constantly worrying about the possible is incredibly important. We live in endless turbulence. It is interesting that we are so scared of the unknown that we will do anything to avoid it. But each moment of each day and every word of every conversation is an unknown. Embracing uncertainty by living out the calm helps us to look at those unexpected moments as opportunities rather than threats.
It is so easy to become obsessed with the “what if” situations. We can find ourselves addicted to problems like making more money or preparing for all the negative possibilities, the storm we assume is coming. That sort of stress can be more dangerous than being trapped in a lion’s lair. Asking those questions sadly becomes a habit from past experiences, forcing us to think…what if it happens again?
And it can parlay itself into so many other struggles. It can lead into arguments with loved ones. We can find ourselves thrill seeking to avoid the anxiety. We might take it out on our colleagues or students. Inevitably, we will still be faced with decisions that we don’t agree with having an impact on us. There will be thoughts that creep into our minds about situations out of our control. They happen to me each and every day. So how did I find myself avoiding this? And what will be my challenge to you?
Live in the calm. Proactively. Live in the calm. Do the things that place you in a sense of solitude. For me, it is a long workout, walking Maverick, and sitting here writing for hours. And when new things come my way, I have a mindset to counteract the negative thoughts because I enjoy the calm. I challenge you to ask yourself three questions as often as you can.
What is the worst possible outcome? When I am starting the cycle of asking myself “what if” questions, I stop ask this out loud. When we start asking “what if,” we get into an ugly cycle. It is like picking a scab open again and again. Or biting your lip…the worst. Stop and ask. It won’t be as bad as you originally thought.
Can I handle it? You will not be surprised to hear me say that you can. Look, it won’t always be easy. And I can promise that in a lot of cases there will be hardships, either short term or long term. But no matter what the outcomes are, you can handle it. At the end of the day, we don’t always control the outcome, but we do control how we show up.
What is the best possible outcome? We don’t do this enough. Unless we are daydreaming about sitting on our favorite beach or someone showing up at our door with a check so large, we don’t know how to spent it, we rarely seek the positive. So when you notice that the “what if” cycle starts spinning, stop and think about what good can come from it. Many times, this thought has led me to possibilities and opportunities that I would not have otherwise considered. Your mindset feels very differently after that.
When you are able to refocus your process, you become the calm in the storm that people are seeking. So enjoy the smooth seas. You might come to find that you are far better prepared for the waves than you would have been in constant anxiety riddled vigilance.
